Moments of Fear

I have had plenty of time to process what happened in October when Anne was in the hospital and I thought I would write it all down…. She got very very ill one night with a high fever… A phone call to kaiser and they deemed it must be mastitis since she was breastfeeding and her breast hurt(of course they hurt she was breastfeeding two babies) We filled the prescription and she felt a little better…. We hoped that was it. We traveled to see family, meet grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins….. We drove North and eventually made our way to Grants Pass….. On our last night of travel while laying in bed. Anne said, “okay if I pass out please call 911.” My heart sank….. And I replied,  “Of course but if you feel that bad shouldn’t we just go to the ER”.  “No I just wanna make sure you know what to do”, she says. 
We drove home the next day and decided on the way, well your fever is back up we should stop in at the ER….. I dropped her off at the ER and my mom meets us there to stay with Anne….. Because I have 2 infants one who is almost 3 months and one about 7 weeks. I luckily had a good friend near by who allowed me to stay to wait to see the outcome of the ER visit. They agreed with us that they didn’t think it was mastitis and she now had a kidney infection….. But since she has 2 kids she should go home. They loaded her up with antibiotics and sent us on our way….
Next day her fever spikes….. We go to the ER again….. They keep her over night for observation and send her home the next day…. Within an hour of being home it happened again. Her friend was visiting so she began driving her to the hospital…. Within moments her stomach was in horrible pain so they called 911….. 
I don’t remember the number of times this happened where she went to the hospital and they sent her home for her to return within hours due to a spiking fever. “A fever of unknown origin”. 
This was my first experience with having to put the babies first over my wife…. It was a feeling I had to get used to. Until this moment I had not felt like I had to chose who to care for…. Because ultimately we all cared for each other. 
I stayed with the babies at Anne’s sisters house…. Scared and feeling extremely lost I couldn’t be at home without Anne it felt weird. Once they decided to keep Anne in the hospital I stayed home…. Anne’s mom flew home from the east coast and helped. People were generous and would come help with the babies during the day so I could go be with Anne. In all honesty a lot of it was just taking a nap in the hospital room while she slept…. I would then go home and take a shower and be with the kiddos…. Their confused little faces when I would come home alone without their Momma.
Anne spent a total of 10 nights away from us. The back pain and stomach pain was from a virus CMV…. Which in most people results in a cold…..but her liver and spleen were enlarged and she was “septic”. 
These moments as I listened to doctors talk in another language about what was wrong with my once energetic wife who ran races and was always on the go was now laying in a hospital bed missing her babies….
I had great moments of fear….. I thought about how beautiful our life was and how this is what we were suppose to do. Raise babies together….. I didn’t know how I would do it alone. They needed her love.
I needed her love.
She is so patient and kind. She never seems to get frustrated and is always encouraging. 
On day 10…. They sent her home. Still sick and tired but her fever had stayed down for the amount of time they needed it to. Her back still ached from her enlarged organs…..but they let her come home.
We all were anxious that night…. Awaiting for her fever to go up…. But it didn’t.
Their Momma was home. 💜

2 thoughts on “Moments of Fear

  1. Oh sweetie. Thank you for sharing this. I teared all up again. It was a scary time and I am so glad they figured it out and the whole family is whole. Love you.

  2. Daphnee says:

    This is such a beautiful story, but that was so hard and terrible that there had to be so many hospital stays… I truly hope your family is happy and flourishing, now that you’re all together again. ^-^

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